So a few days ago i had a missed call from my ex, not a big deal he calls daily to check in on the chillins. Well when i called him back I asked what was up, he said nothing. Well is everything ok or did you want to know something about the kids? Nope. Well then why did you call? I just wanted to chat. Ummmmm hold up did he just say he wanted to chat? like talk? with me? why? about what? This is too strange! He said i'm actually busy right now but i'll call you later. Uhhhh ok, i said.

Here is the thing about my ex..... he is a great father, BUT sometimes his priorities are a little fucked up. He is immature and young, but has a good heart. I can't complain in the daddy department. However he screwed up royally with me. Which leads us to the mysterious phone call! I never heard from him again that day. The next day i get a text message that said "Are you bringing mason over tuesday so we can go get a christmas tree? Thats what i wanted to talk to you about well that and the fact that i miss my family." This is classic it's christmas a time for being with your loved ones, everyone gets lonely during the holidays especially seperated couples with kids. Not to mention he wouldn't be lonely during the holidays if he would have treated his family better while he had them.

I asked where all this was coming from. And he said he has been missing us for a while but didn't know how to tell me. This is great, i'm finally moving on and happy with Hair Man and he pulls this shit. I think guys can sense when your happy and moving on with life, that's when they come in full force and crap on your parade. So what exactly do you miss???? Everything, he said. Well i don't miss fighting, being abandoned, and feeling trapped in what was our home. He went on to state all the good things he missed and that he didn't want to get back together just needed someone to talk to and knew i would understand.

This lasted all of 3 days then the jealousy started. Who are you dating, what's his name, what does he look like??? Why does he care all of the sudden! I don't get it. Two months ago we slept together and i thought we could work things out, that he had grown up. Then less than a week later he wasn't ready and sure! Typical bullshit, so i said fuck it, it will never happen i need to move on and get over him. And that's what i have been doing and now this! The reason he wasn't ready then is because he was scared, but he's sure now.

He has grown up and wants his family back. Things will be different this time, he's a man now! Our relationship was 100% his fault and he will tell everyone and anyone that! Ok he is officially on drugs. This is not the ex i remember. My ex never admitted he was wrong and certaintly never said i'm sorry. He twisted everything and manipulated me into believing i was the cause of all his wrong doings. But he says he has changed. WELL WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

What do i do now??? Give him a shot or say too little too late bud! I'm so confused, i like Hair Man but my ex holds my heart. He has also stomped on it and kicked it a few hundred times also! My kids would freak if we got back together they love and adore him, i almost feel damned if i do damned if i don't. If he really has changed then this could be the kids and my future happiness at stake as well as being a family again. If it turns out to be a crock i have yet again let myself down and my children. I would die if i hurt them again by leaving their father. They don't understand, the hardest thing i've ever had to do was leaving that man. Leaving someone you love and your kids love, well sucks. But he did not love me back and hurt me over and over again. At least i thought he didn't love me, now he says he always has. He was just young, stupid, immature and now he has seen the errors in his ways.

What to do what to do. Poor Hair Man has done everything perfect, and the ex has done everything wrong and yet it is still a dilema. Why must life be this hard? Well when we were together he always said he wasn't happy, he just wants to be happy. Now its...you are the only one that can make me happy! I just don't understand.

I told him to wait and after the holidays if he still felt the same way then we would talk and until then we are freinds. If i did decide to give him another shot there would be lots of counseling and no living together unless we get married first. I think there was never that commitment on his behalf before. I was completly commited to him but he was always on the fence. So i have learned my lesson, if he wants me and the kids he will marry my sweet ass.

to be continued......